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Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Breeder Problems
The cover for Heart Throbs #121:
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "Man alive, Dorian, would you stop with the romance comics already and go back to making fun of washed up actors." But some of you are thinking: "There's no way that DC published a comic with a premise so horrible. Maybe Marvel or Charlton, but not DC!" But no, they did, and I'll break it down into plot beats for you:
Boy loses girl to best friend:
Boy blatantly foreshadows plot twist:
Boy may or may not have fragged his friend in a not at all homoerotic scene:
Boy makes worst grief counselor ever, apparently inspired by one too many readings of The Secret:
Boy makes suggestion that's more than a little creepy to the grieving single mom, in order to protect her from the stigma of raising a child alone:
Boy discovers the joys of young parenthood: Seriously that, "the baby gets in the way of my hip lifestyle" thing went on for page after page...
Boy is resentful of total stranger's insinuations that his step-son is a bastard:
Boy becomes increasingly bitter over the fact that the baby is cramping his style, and starts to wish he'd maybe pointed out that sniper's nest to his buddy back in 'Nam:
Boy begins to trip out in a monstrously creepy panel:
Boy turns into a colossal dick. Yes, more so than before:
Boy, unable to get laid, what with the stench of marriage still clinging to him, goes back to the wife for the tritest ending known to man:
