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Thursday, March 23, 2006
Why I Want To Punch Jimmy Olsen
If Jimmy Olsen were a real person, I think I would have to hit him. Hard. And frequently. I've been reading the Showcase Presents: Superman Family volume, and it's rough going. Usually it only takes me a day or two to read one of these Showcase volumes, but the sheer amount of Jimmy Olsen stories makes this book slow-going. I can only stand to read one or two stories at a time before Jimmy's obnoxiousness and terminal cluelessness forces me to put the book down to preserve my sanity.
First of all, well, he's kind of an idiot. He keeps stumbling into dangerous situations and having to have Superman rescue him. Just think how Superman's time could have been better spent if he didn't have to rescue Jimmy twice a day. "Gee Superman, a bus full of orphans and kittens went off a cliff just outside Metropolis and everyone inside was burnt to death in a fiery cataclysm of pain and suffering, including the nun who was driving. Why didn't you save them?" "Well, Jimmy, that would be because I had to save you from the jewel thief whose gang you infiltrated disguised as hobo."
Second, he's got a bit of a tick. I'm not sure I could stand hearing him shout out "Super duper" every five minutes, whether it's appropriate or not. "Hey, I found a nickel on the sidewalk! Super duper!" "I narrowly avoided getting run over by that bus! Super duper!" "Lucy gave me the clap! Super duper!" (I'm sorry, that last joke was out of place. We all know Lucy's just a beard.)
Finally, man is he ever a racist twerp!
At least the book has one redeeming feature. There's some Lois Lane in there. It occurred to me the other day that, even in the Silver and Golden age stories, Lois was still a damn good reporter. If Clark wasn't continually gaslighting her she'd have proven he was Superman a thousand times over.
