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Thursday, May 31, 2007
Death Flaunts Its Golden Grin
Apparently four issues was all it took for some DC editor to call Bob Haney on the carpet and say "Bob, fix this." And that's just what Bob and Dick Dillin do in World's Finest #227, the follow-up to their earlier "Bruce Wayne has a long lost brother who's a psycho killer" story.
The story opens with Superman destroying a beloved national monument, the Statue of Liberty. "No, dude, you totally are." It's nice to see Supes get his comeuppance every once in awhile, after all those times he's gaslighted Lois or Jimmy.
Superman is destroying national monuments because he's been asked by the government to look into a gold smuggling ring. Batman was supposed to be helping him, but he's out goofing off, harassing circus acrobats. Batman is doing this odd thing, not because of his fetish for young men in tights, but in an effort to find his brother, believed to be possessed by Deadman.
This doesn't sit well with Superman, who keeps reminding Batman that they're supposed to be working on a very important case! Batman, meanwhile, just can't concentrate on anything like the devaluation of US currency, because he's so worried about what could happen if Deadman were to leave the body of his brother, the psycho boomerang killer. "You dick, that table was in the Wayne family for twelve generations! And you know my parents are dead!" "Yeah, well my planet exploded, so stick it up your rear."
Batman goes out to harass some more acrobats, and finds a likely candidate: Personally, I don't find "masked acrobat" all that compelling as evidence, but he is the "world's greatest detective" so there's possibly more he knows than I do. Or, you know, the story is running a bit long and Haney decided to speed things up.
No joke, I just think that panel's cool.
The mysterious balloonist/acrobat does a runner after catching sight of Bats, so Bats responds the only way a child of wealth and privilege can respond to a set-back: he buys something. What follows is a stunning aerial chase between balloon and bi-plane, ending the only way such a stunning battle could end!
Superman, meanwhile, has gone to Switzerland to find the gold smugglers. Because all the gold comes from Switzerland, I guess. While there, he shows a healthy American respect for the rule of law. His investigations lead him to a castle high in the mountains, which is apparently the headquarters of the gold smugglers. The only clue he can find as to how they're getting the gold into the US are the balloon mooring lines on the roof of the castle. HMMMMMMMM....
Back to Batman, who has laid a trap for Deadman. Or not. Luckily, the REAL Deadman catches Batman on HIS balloon. Look, just go with it.
Batman and Deadman trace the fake Deadman to a canyon, without realizing that Superman has traced the gold smugglers to THIS VERY CIRCUS! HOW UNEXPECTED! Superman gets into a spectacular dogfight with the balloon and some bi-planes while Bats and Deads engage in some light bondage.
They catch up to the fake and his cronies, only to discover, OH NO, a dilemma! And Haney fixes his mess. Oh, and the circus was a front for the gold smugglers, who were sneaking the gold over to the US in solid gold balloon gondolas. Yes, I would think that would be very heavy. And not at all feasible.
See, even though I don't work in comics retail day to day anymore, I still assist my former employer by helping set order levels on the manga titles. Because there's a hell of a lot of them, and he's not that familiar with them. And I'll be honest, my first reaction to seeing the solicitation for Nymphet was "What the holy hell? A comedy series about an eight year old girl trying to have sex with her teacher? Who the fuck thought this would fly in the US, and why do they still have a job?" My second reaction was "Gee, as much as it might amuse me to see Mike go to jail, I'm not sure I want it to be for selling this comic." And so, I declined to order it.
Now, I'm not a prude. Far from it (just ask poor, put upon Mike). I'll happily order hentai manga for the store, sexually suggestive yaoi, and risque manga titles of all genres from all publishers. And even though I understood that this particular title was not anything other than extraordinarily raunchy (no actual sex is in the book, in other words), I didn't feel that sexually suggestive material featuring elementary school age children was a good fit for the store. And seeing some of these sample pages, out of context as they are, hasn't persuaded me that I made a mistake.
In the long run, I think a title like this would have done more harm than good in the US marketplace. We've all been sort of bracing for a big manga backlash from the forces of social conservatism and religious authority, and this could easily have been the book that tipped it off, as the mere suggestion of sexuality in children is enough to set off major moral crusades in this country. You can sort of see it happening already, with the "all manga is porn" responses that have appeared in reaction to this news. And as stupid and short-sighted as those responses are, I have trouble seeing the "CENSORSHIP! CENSORSHIP! WE DEMAND OUR LOLI!" responses from some of the books defenders as any more helpful.
This is What Comes of Sharing Your Wardrobe with a Twelve Year Old
A minor emergency* arose over the weekend, scuttling all my original plans, so I'm left with nothing for you but this oddly compelling yet strangely disturbing shot of Captain Marvel with his shirt off.
* Nothing to worry about, but the cascading results of this event permanently alter all of the plans Pete and I had made for the rest of the year.
I'm still feeling slightly interactive...what do you all think? Trailer reviews, or Previews reviews?
Tim speaks wisdom. As does Steven. And Heidi. I suppose if there really is any larger lesson to be learned from any of these things is that Marvel and DC, despite all their protestations to the contrary, really aren't ready to grow up and act like a serious business. If they were, someone would have realized that the money they make by pandering to the lowest common denominator isn't as much as they lose by alienating existing and potential customers and creating a negative view of their product in the wider culture. The lesson the non comics buying public took away from the Mary Jane statue situation wasn't that fangirls are hysterical and prone to over-reaction, or that Marvel licenses their characters out to specialty manufacturers for the creation of high-end collectibles. No, it was that comic book fans are sad perpetual adolescents who buy over-priced wank material. And that's not a good way to build brand recognition.
But that's old news, and frankly I'm in the mood for something lighter. Mainly, a completely innocent image which could never possibly be misconstrued... My, but Kurt Schaffenberger draws a nice taint...
But the image by itself is a bit lacking, since we can't see what Superboy is flying into. So I did a little editing:
Hmmm...could Superboy be joining the Doctor on a new adventure?
Or maybe he's involved in an inter-company cross-over?
What else could Superboy be flying into, I wonder?
There's something to be said for line-wide continuity reboots. They allow really horrible ideas that should never have been published to be quietly removed from whatever passes for "canon" in super-hero comics. One of the stories we can thank the original Crisis for getting rid of is this little gem from World's Finest # 223, by Bob Haney, Dick Dillin and Vince Coletta.
It seems that Gotham has been plagued by a serial killer using razor-sharp boomerangs to kill people at random. And neither the police nor Batman has any clue as to who could be responsible. Because this is World's Finest and not The Brave and the Bold, where the killer would be Captain Boomerang and Batman would have to team up with the Flash.
Naturally, a boomerang using serial killer is big news, so Clark Kent is called in to investigate: Now, I may be misremembering, but at this point in Superman continuity, Clark Kent was an anchorman. Which meant he didn't really have the time to go out traveling and cover stories. Certainly not stories a hundred miles away, driving the news van himself. Why wouldn't WGBS just pick up the story from the Gotham affiliate?
In the meantime, while attending the funeral of one of the victims, Batman happens to notice Deadman's grave. So he starts talking out loud in the hopes that Deadman just happens to be around. He is, because otherwise we wouldn't have as much of a story, and Batman and Deadman decide to team up to solve the murders, just as Superman arrives in town, and the three of them start pursuing parallel leads. By a lucky coincidence, Deadman happens to catch a glimpse of the killer and leads Batman to his hideout: "Brilliant, wild things...that make no sense." Granted, Batman may not be the best judge of another man's sanity...
Batman and Deadman trace "Thomas Willowwood" to the Willowwood mental hospital, where Batman is too impatient to wait for a warrant to find out more about who this Thomas is and simply has Deadman possess the presiding doctor and get the files for him that way. Apparently, it's pretty good stuff:
Superman has been spending his time flying back and forth over the city at super speed waiting for another attack. When it comes he thwarts it, only to be stopped from catching the killer by a coincidental subway disaster, managing to retrieve only a boomerang and the killer's coat. You can just hear the sarcasm dripping off of Superman's words there, can't you?
Batman announces that there are no clues to be found, which leads Superman to the conclusion that Bruce has tampered with the evidence. While trying to catch Batman in the act, Batman and Deadman begin shadowing a judge who has been acting suspiciously, thinking it may be connected to the case. Of course it is, but why they would think that based on nothing more than a bailiff saying that the judge is acting oddly...In any case, Superman finally confronts Batman with his suspicions, only to discover the shocking secret of the boomerang killer! Yes! The killer is Batman's brother, Thomas Wayne! What, you don't remember Thomas Wayne Jr? Well, neither did anyone else. Witness the startling secret origin of Thomas Wayne! I think this panel is meant to show a car hitting a baby carriage. And not an underpaid nanny shoving an infant in front of a speeding car.
Okay, we need to talk about that last panel a bit. First of all, how do you do a psychiatric diagnosis on a pre-verbal infant? I've studied a bit of psychology, and I just can't see it happening. And that's putting aside the notion that you can't really diagnose a minor with, I'm guessing here, schizophrenia. It's just simply not done. But the important bit: the Waynes committed their infant son to an insane asylum. Forget Jor-El putting his son's pet dog in a rocket, forget David Cain teaching Batgirl to kill but not talk...Thomas and Martha Wayne are the worst parents in the DC universe. FACT my friends. Fact.
Back to the story...Superman insists that Thomas be brought to justice, Batman's brother or not, but Batman cleverly betrays him:
With Superman possessed by Deadman, Batman attempts to talk some sense into his long-lost brother, only to discover that, yep, he's nuts. Maybe spending thirty-odd years in an insane asylum will do that to you... And then Batman pulls a Hal Jordan:
To wrap up: guy with wrecking ball tries to kill Batman and Thomas, Deadman lets Superman go take care of him, Batman comes to and announces that the guy with the wrecking ball was black-mailing the judge by killing people until the judge overturned a conviction, and tricked Thomas into killing all those people by telling them they were "enemies." So Thomas is still a multiple murderer, but he wasn't culpable because his belfry was full of bats.
And what did happen to Thomas, anyway? Oh, it gets better...but that's a post for another day.
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